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Prologue: So here I am at my first ever Mystery Can. The idea was stolen BY ME (just making sure I get the credit when it comes to the "Who stole it first?" conversation, it was me bitches) late one night when the Bane Of My Existence (recently demoted Love Of My Life*) was surfing around on the computer and I just so happened to look over and sneak a peak at what she was looking at. Mystery Can is a game where a group of people who no longer wish to be friends get together and buy each other cans of disgusting food and then RIP THE LABELS OFF. The cans are then exchanged anonymously (or if you're feeling vindictive and insidious, names are drawn from a hat so you can look your victim in the face before he eats the can of "Crazy Anus", or whatever, that you just found at the local international market) and the can holders meet weekly to exhibit to one another what misfortune truly tastes like. Take some advice from a now reluctant and former champion of Mystery Can: don't ever fucking play this game. Ever.
The Rules: 1. Everyone sucks at Mystery Can. No exceptions. 2. It MUST be in a can. 3. You get to pick ONE SPECIFIC FOOD that you refuse to eat, this is your Punishment Meal. 4. You must eat half of the can. 5. Your peers determine what qualifies as "half". 6. If you cannot eat at least half of the can then you must eat your Punishment Meal and you must eat it all. 7. Only human food is allowed. And, no, even though old people and the homeless eat dog food it doesn't suddenly qualify as human food. Old people and the homeless are not people. 8. The contents of the can have to be eaten as is, no preparation (unless required) and no combing it with anything that would mask the taste. 9. If you forget to bring your can, you will be eating two cans next week. 10. If you swallow each bite, you're allowed to vomit as much as you want.
Now that you're awake, on to the First Ever Mystery Can!
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